He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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