the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
