her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
