We got so high we made milksteak
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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