East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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