K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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