I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
