she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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