Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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