He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
