I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
