Don't make out with my wife yet
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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