he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
