i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Operation Purity has been aborted
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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