Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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