I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
