were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
