he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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