we made out on top of his cat.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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