I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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