Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just invented taco cereal.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
