I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
