I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
