I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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