I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
