thus making me awesome and them whores
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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