I seem to have left my pride at pride
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
