He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
