Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
