We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
