bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
