I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
