Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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