Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
