got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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