HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
