u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How naked do you want me to be?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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