Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
