he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
