I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
