and i looked up. we had an audience...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
