no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
