I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
