Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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