I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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