I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
