Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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