She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
