he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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