Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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