I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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