What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
