i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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