Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
