I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
