my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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