i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
