I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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