A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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