Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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