I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
