I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
