Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
