dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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