I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
