so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
