I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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